If you’re anything like me, you have trouble saying no.
“Will you pick me up even though it’s 3am?” “Sure!”
“I know you’re really tired but want to go out?” “Absolutely.”
“Can I stay with you while my apartment is being painted?” “Yes.”
Have you ever been at your wits end, falling over, dead tired, just want a minute of rest, and yet you still find yourself saying yes to things that you aren’t actually interested in doing? Me too, and if you look around, you’re definitely not the only one who’s feeling this. So if we’re all a little worn out and a little uninterested, then why do we keep saying yes to things that we would love to say no to? It’s all in our heads.
Our generation has a serious fear of doing two things: disappointing others and regretting our decisions. We fear so much saying no to opportunities because we think that everything is a one shot deal and that each answer we give determines the direction of our futures. It’s exhausting to be that important, is it not? We’ve gotten ourselves into a rut and the best way to get out is to practice saying “no”. It’s hard, but it could change your life. Here’s why:
One // FOMO is Not That Scary
Repeat after me, “I will not be a slave to FOMO”. For those of you in the dark ages (metaphorically, no one want’s to revisit the actual dark ages), FOMO means fear of missing out. Even if you can’t use it in a sentence, I’m sure you’ve felt it. We are all scared of missing out on opportunities and feeling like a loser when our friends are out having fun. There have been many times where I’ve sat in bed while my squad is at the pool tanning. You know what? They still love me even though I wasn’t there and I even got in a fantastic nap. FOMO can feel very real but I can promise you that you are not actually a loser and your friends will still love you. You’re better than FOMO.
Two // You Need Time Alone
You may not think so but you need time alone. Life can be exhausting and in the 24/7 access world we live in, spending time alone may seem worse than being exhausted. I know there have been many a moment where I’ve looked around my empty apartment and simply not known what to do by myself. Take a long bath, read that book you bought 3 months ago and never read, do some online shopping. The possibilities are endless. Time alone, in just the right doses, is worth a “no” here and there.
Three // A “No” Can Be The Most Loving Option
When you do things out of love, it energizes you. When you do things out of obligation, it drains you. My entire life I have wrestled with these truths. I so often say yes to my loved ones without considering the most loving answer. If saying yes is going to exhaust you, drain you, and make you grumpy toward that person, it may be best to say no. I will often pray that the right decision becomes clear because “yes” can sometimes be very deceptive.
Four // No One Expects You to be 100% Available
We all have more than one person vying for our attention. Some days it seems like there’s a revolving door of requests, phone calls, and favors waiting for me to attend to. We think that every single item needs our full attention and will be completely dissatisfied without it. Think about your friends and your expectations of them. If you knew they were tired or needed a break, you would not expect them to be on 100%. Your friends think the same about you and will understand if you can’t put them in your #1 spot that day because you need a break.
Five // You Are Worth Your Time
Put yourself on your todo list. You are worth the same amount of love, attention, and time that you give to everything else in your life. There are some days (do not judge me) where I forget to shower. I wake up, start my todo list, end my todo list, and fall exhausted into bed. That shouldn’t happen, ever. We have grown up to believe that we can’t spoil ourselves but when it comes to life, we have to take care of ourselves. Do you take time for yourself or are you always your own last priority?
Don’t be your own worst enemy. Be wise and kind, instead of a slave to saying yes.
I’d love to know!
Do you struggle with saying “no”? How do you cope?
The Girl Behind the Blog,